Thinking of our future...

Got a lot to think about. My head is a bit wrecked. I suppose since we are more than likely going to be moving to New Zealand, i gotta cope with the idea that my family won't be that involved in Donal's life or any future kids we may have. I'm already thinking about schools. I have to do some research into Kiwi schools and how they work. I'm going to brush up on my Irish so I can teach Donal some if we do decide to move. I would love another little kid now but even though we have the money my instinct is telling me to wait another year so I am.

I think the only reason I think I want another baby is because I'm feeling pretty unsatisfied with most things and I want to feel in the hole (which is a rubbish reason to have a baby). I'm happy with my little family but my extended family drive me crazy for reasons I don't even want to get into.

I know I should be grateful I have a job even though it won't be full time for another month or so and it's secure etc. I just want to dive in and start my business but I can't do it without getting into debt and that would be a totally selfish thing to do for Donal's future.

I'm really trying to enjoy the job as it's usually the type of work I enjoy but I'm just not. I feel so smothered with the mundane every day stuff.

Not Donal though he's fair from mundane, he's my crazy little sweet boy and although I miss my tiny baby he's getting better as he gets older. He's started making little 2 year old jokes and he gets excited when he sees me baking biscuits or bread and pretty much stands at the oven door until it's baked and his reaction if I bake them while he's asleep is priceless. How dare mummy bake without me....

He's also started copying what I say which is just so cute.

I just want to provide for him and hang out with him. I hate having other people minding him other than Chris and I. I know he's with his Grandad but still I prefer it when he's with me because my Dad just tends to do what he wants to do with Donal, not what we want.

If I had my own business, he could be with me alot which to me is hugely important. It's always so chilled with me and while he is always happy with my parents, he spends most of him time wired and hyper.

Anyway I think that's all I have to say or type.